“Old Fashioned” Cooking Recipes

Soup:
Think of all the times in your life
using the phrase:
“I am so sorry.”
Reflect on this for about an hour.
Begin a new project in your life
for ten minutes.
Abandon it.

Casserole:
Go out tonight.
Learn to enjoy yourself.
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.
Give a piece of yourself to someone
you have never met.
Flavor to taste.

Pie:
Take a deep breath and jump.
The water will be cold,
naturally.
Boil at medium high heat
for twenty minutes.
Dip your head under the water.
Listen to everything around you.
Come back up and fill your lungs
with air.
Try to imagine life
without the last step.

Sandwich:
Spin around three times
and don’t fall down.
Learn to make bread.
Find out what talking to yourself
at night
is all about.
Keep a candle burning
to give a false sense
of security.
Count ninety-nine sheep.
Save the last one.

Beef:
Go to the supermarket.
But the first thing you see
over twenty dollars.
Give it to the next person you see.
Cope with loss,
but understand charity.
Discover what this person means
in relation to you.
Find out their name.
Write it down.
Write it down.
And again.

Pasta:
Stop believing in monsters.
Turn the lights off at night;
save electricity.
Leave your doors unlocked.
Leave them open,
if you want.
Wash your hands
to avoid
cross-
contamination.

Chili:
Buy a baby calf.
Name it.
Find a wife.
Have thirteen children.
Give yourself up for
adoption.
Tell the children to raise the calf
after you are gone.
And their children.
And their children’s children.

Muffins:
Buy something you normally wouldn’t.
Put it on display.

Liver and Onions:
Learn a foreign language.
Travel abroad.
Speak to people you do not
understand.
Spend money you did not
earn.
Earn money you can never
spend.

Vegetable Stew:
Learn to paint.
Find the closest river
in your area.
Paint it as you see.
Finish the painting and
go for a swim.
Figure out how deep the river is.

Deviled Eggs:
Take the first three pages
of every book
you have available
and rip them out.
Keep these pages in a
safe place,
you will need them
later.
Burn the remains of
the books.
Write your own.
Call it the best thing
to happen
in one hundred years.
Tell no one of the book.
Lock your door.
Shut the blinds.
Strip down and
paint a self-portrait.

Apples:
Buy a newspaper.
Read it from front to back.
Keep the obituaries.
Attend a funeral
of a stranger.
Learn their life as
best you can.
Understand how they died,
and why.
Apply this knowledge
to your own life.
Go home.
Write your auto-biography.
Chew on it for a while.

Cake:
Celebrate an unimportant birthday.
Take of photograph
of the most interesting thing
you can find.
Write a story based on nothing.
Realize the mistakes you made.
Learn to be steadfast in temperament.
Rip every door off the hinges.
Apologize for nothing.
Be sincere for everything.

Lamb Chops:
Chop down the thickest tree
you can find.
Burn the stump.
Salt the earth.
Tell everyone.

Fish:
Learn how to swim.
Learn how to cook.
Forget the things you
never wanted to find out.
.
.
.
.
.
DEREK HURT was born in a barn in the mid-mid-west. He has written biographies of history's most unimportant men. He enjoys a fine grilled cheese.