An excerpt from an interview with National Inquirer’s The Batboy:

I’ll fuckin tell ya how it was.
First, the Mother Fucker pumped me full of vitamins then
they made me do a fuckin headstand on a piece of plywood
all the while getting lifted up by a muscle boy in a spandex crotch saddle.
You should have seen those fat white people watching slack jawed!
I say put me down you Mother Fucker, I say or else
I’m gonna use these sharp, sharp claws and

I’m gonna start fuckin scratching myself in the fuckin head til
I can feel it or till my brain falls out, Mother Fucker. And he does
let me down, that Mother Fucker, and starts
bashing me in the head until I start bleeding, then
the Mother Fucker gives me a buncha iron to stop the bleeding.

Your wings will grow in soon, he says.
Your fangs will get real, real pointy like,
he says and the Mother Fucker gives me some calcium for growing
but god damn when am I gonna be more’n 4 feet up?
I’m getting right sick of this rude shit so I say
Mother Fucker, listen here, I tell em, I say,
I’m not taking no more shit, Mother Fucker.
.
Not wearing these gotdamn capes no more,
not snatchin no elephant shit no more,
not shaving no beards off no ladies no more,
not lickin no butt mud off no Russian whores no more.
Mother Fucker.

And so he starts feeding me melatonin till I fall asleep
and I don’t dream none and I wake up. Gotdamn!
Breakfast! Mother Fucker gives some eggs with sodium in em
laid out on a fresh plate with a cup full of vitamins. But
they don’t taste that bitter with a dash a pepper so I swallow it.

*************************************************************************

We Have Only Today. Let Us Begin.

Let’s turn the circle of life into
a giant flaming hoop and jump
through it with a motorcycle.

Rev that engine and wear a bedazzled
cape because we’re white with long hair and
shitty mustaches covered in bee’s wax.

Let’s ride up that volcano and watch it erupt
nacho cheese and tittie milk, all the while open
mouth kissing, slapping tongues and spitting
malt liquor in each other’s mouths like
a sexual mama bird feeding her naked babies.

Rev that engine and take a picture of
your crotch for posterity.

Let’s go to Applebee’s© and shove a Bloomin Onion®
so far up our asses that we puke spicy mayo. Our
reversal of fortune flowing like Greek statues
fashioned after the goddesses of admiration.

Rev that engine and let’s kick each other in
the nuts because this is the
collective conscious and we’re laughing.

Let’s laugh until milk comes out of our noses and
then cry as it forms puddles, then our tears
will form puddles until we run out of tears because
we’ve ran out of water in our bodies then
our bodies will form their
own dehydrated puddles.

Rev that engine and realize that we’re 60% water and
40% other shit and 100% inefficient if you do the math.
It’s funny how math is inside everything and anything
but we don’t give a shit about Archimedes and his bullshit.

Let’s climb a mountain and whisper dirty jokes.
Let’s go to a funeral and get free hugs.
Let’s rub our nuts on a sphinx and
throw toilet paper on the pyramids.
Let’s learn how to shape shift and shape shift
into giraffes wearing sunglasses and
roller skate in the Grand Canyon.

Rev that engine without a helmet because
if we crash and die then we die and
we’re dead and we’ll be dead as dead
forever but we looked cool as all hell doing
what we had to do and we fuckin’ did it.